I just found this saved in my documents from almost a year ago.
What a journey!
So Im still studying Te Reo Maori although it doesn’t feel right to say that I am “studying”.
It is really more that I am experiencing Tikanga Maori through immersion learning of Te Reo Maori. I feel extremely privileged, lucky to have found the group I am learning with. Loving, giving people.
A sentence I often hear from my esteemed Kaiako” its only you who stops yourself ” Its so true, I question myself all the time, what are my motives? Well I guess everyone has motives for different things they do.
I’ve spoken before about my motives of wanting to belong, of learning a language to help my health issues, and my motives (political) of supporting the continuance of the first language of Aotearoa.
As I go on though I’ve had other thoughts, like it doesn’t matter what my motive is, I’m loving it, I’m getting something from it so I’m doing it. I have spent a large part of my life trying to do what I think other people want from me in order to be accepted, be recognised, be appreciated.. Guess what?? It hasn’t worked. I’m doing this because I want to – that feels good. But I can feel the old dynamics surfacing – still wanting some sort of recognition. Only I can give this to myself. I know it well but one thing to know it and another to not be dragged back when the going gets tough.
And as I go on I have felt its been a bit like a love affair – I get excited /and nervous before going to class, I feel quite elated when Im “IN” the immersion. Kei roto i te reo. Then I go down in mood afterwards as I wait till next class.
Oy vey: I have a pathetic track record for relationships.
Ka pai: This is different, hang in there. Kia kaha!